The get: settle it before you commit
In Jewish tradition, a religious divorce is completed by giving and receiving a get. From the standpoint of halacha, a civil divorce alone is not enough to allow a new religious marriage. If you are civilly divorced but have not given or received a get, speak to your rabbi or your community's rabbinical court (beit din) before beginning a serious new relationship. Likewise, if you meet someone who is divorced, do not hesitate to ask about it with tact: it is an essential point, not an intrusion.
Some situations also carry particular halachic implications (for example if one of you is a kohen). Here too, a rabbi is the right person to consult, before you become attached.
Give yourself time to heal
There is no "normal" length of time. Some people are ready to meet someone after a few months; others need longer. A useful question: are you looking for a partner, or trying to fill a void? If grieving the previous marriage still takes up a lot of space, allow yourself the time you need, possibly with the help of a trusted friend, a rabbi or a professional. A new relationship built too fast on an open wound rarely rests on solid ground.
Talking about your divorce without making it a secret
It is better to mention your divorce from the start: on your profile (in the field for marital status) or in the first meetings. Hiding it always comes out in the end, and weakens trust. A few principles help:
- Talk about it simply and briefly, without unnecessary detail.
- Avoid criticizing your ex: it says more about you than about them.
- Say what you learned from the experience and what you are looking for today.
- Give the other person time to ask questions.
Children: a priority to respect
If you have children, they are at the center of your life, and choosing a new partner affects them directly. Introduce someone only when the relationship is solid enough, and go at their pace. Be clear with your partner about your children's place, about shared time with the other parent, and about how you picture life together. Likewise, if your partner has children, take time to understand their story before looking to take a place in it.
Pitfalls to avoid
- Constantly comparing the person you meet with your ex, for better or worse.
- Looking for the exact opposite of your former spouse: it does not guarantee compatibility, and leads you to rule out good people.
- Rushing out of fear of being alone.
- Leaving difficult subjects unspoken (children, finances, obligations), which always come back.
Going further
ShidduchMatch has a dedicated page on Jewish dating for divorced singles; if your situation involves the loss of a spouse, see Jewish dating for widowed singles. Our articles Jewish Dating After 40 and Essential Questions to Discuss Before a Jewish Marriage cover other useful topics. For questions of halacha, nothing replaces your rabbi's advice.
The first date after a divorce
It is normal to feel a little nervous. A few pointers: choose a calm setting, do not talk about your ex for more than a few minutes, take a real interest in the other person, and avoid comparing. If the person asks what happened, answer in a few honest sentences and move on. For ideas on what to ask, read 15 Questions to Ask on a First Jewish Date.
When to introduce your children
There is no universal timetable, but there is a principle: introduce your children only when the relationship is serious and you have good reason to think it will last. Children attach quickly; introductions that come too early and are followed by a breakup can hurt them. Prepare them in advance, and let them express themselves without demanding instant affection.
Frequently asked questions
Can you remarry after a divorce without a get?
From the standpoint of halacha, a get is required for a religious remarriage. Consult your rabbi or your community's beit din.
Should I mention my divorce on my profile?
Yes, simply. The marital status field is there for that; add a calm sentence in your introduction.
Key takeaways
- Settle the get with your rabbi before beginning a serious new relationship.
- Give yourself the time you need, and do not rush because of loneliness.
- Mention your divorce simply from the start, without criticizing your ex.
- Put your children first: introduce someone only when the relationship is solid.
A divorce closes a chapter, not the book. Handled well, it can lead to a second marriage that is wiser and stronger.